I attract flakes

My alleged friends do not return my phone calls.
I call, and they agree to call back. Or, I call and leave a message, and the answering machine of any particular flake assures me that my call will be returned as soon as possible.
Why is this so? Does everyone suffer from flaky friends in the digital era? Is it because I inevitably experience that When Harry Met Sally breach of contract with all of the boys and I steal the boyfriends of most of my sisters? Am I only worthy of flaky friends?
I bet Dolly doesn't have flaky friends.

HIPSTERIA QUIZOMANIE!

Suck or click on these, baby. Reaffirm your hipsterdom to your one true hipster self, then go and have a self-congratulatory PBR.

Apparently, I'm a Bipster (a blue-collar hipster)

In this case, I'm a Trucker Hat Hipster (I'm hip and I don't even know it)

Perhaps I really am just a tortured intellectual as this quiz has informed me!

Ah! I am the shit. Or, I mean, the 'Comsummate Hipster'