Dressed for success!

Tomorrow I wake only to venture south to the Oldest of Old Montreals where I will negotiate my first contract.
Yes, friends, my bitch-ass is employed by three separate conglomerates of men in suits who all wish I would marry their sons. I'm excited for my first round of office Christmas parties where I'll receive festive cookbooks!

Wish me luck.

I'll be ballin' in no time, buyin' rounds of drinks at le cagibi.

I attract flakes

My alleged friends do not return my phone calls.
I call, and they agree to call back. Or, I call and leave a message, and the answering machine of any particular flake assures me that my call will be returned as soon as possible.
Why is this so? Does everyone suffer from flaky friends in the digital era? Is it because I inevitably experience that When Harry Met Sally breach of contract with all of the boys and I steal the boyfriends of most of my sisters? Am I only worthy of flaky friends?
I bet Dolly doesn't have flaky friends.

Is it wrong that I'm crushing on younger men?

In my latest little boy misadventures on the internet, I've unearthed two adorable pre-pubescent gems that warm my heart and send pangs of lust through my ovaries.
I'm known to obsess over Bostonians every now and again, so allow me to introduce you to Bo. He is one sweet sixteen of a boy, I tell ya:

My other sexy little heartthrob is Chris Crocker, a little 20-year old from my girl Dolly's Tennessee mountain home. Sometimes I just want to rip my clothes off right in the middle of one of his public service announcements...

Vote or Die!

Eleven of you would holler at Dolly Parton because... 9 to 5 is the greatest movie ever	1 (9%)
She created jobs for people of her home town by erecting Dollywood	3 (27%)
"You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!" -Dolly	5 (45%)
Boobs	2 (18%)

I am appalled by the fact that the most radical film ever made in Hollywood— the only one in which the workers overthrow their oppressor and take hold of the means of production— earned only one vote.

The superficiality of this world makes me want to fuck off and go shopping. Forever.