Win a dream date with Enrique Iglesias!

Your selfish selves and your one night stands... Honesty is the best policy, and when it all comes down to drugs and one-sided orgasms, I am thrilled to see that my faithful readers refuse to settle for the short end of the stick! Still, I am also very excited to notice how popular asphyxiation has become based on the number of votes the skull fuckers cast! Here is the verdict on this week's poll: Cocktails and anti-climactic missionary-positioned sex	(5%)
A bump, a line and a little bump 'n grind in the bathroom stall. You get off, they don't.	(42%)
Skull fucking and skull fucking	(26%)
Drinking wine and reading french poetry at his/her parents' house	(26%)

HIPSTERIA QUIZOMANIE!

Suck or click on these, baby. Reaffirm your hipsterdom to your one true hipster self, then go and have a self-congratulatory PBR.

Apparently, I'm a Bipster (a blue-collar hipster)

In this case, I'm a Trucker Hat Hipster (I'm hip and I don't even know it)

Perhaps I really am just a tortured intellectual as this quiz has informed me!

Ah! I am the shit. Or, I mean, the 'Comsummate Hipster'

They aren't funny, Mal. They're not.

This is how I feel about puns:


My roommate, Mal, is a huge fan of puns. This puts an enormous strain upon our relationship.
Her answering machine is always presented as a pun. Always.
The worst part of puns is when the punner pauses afterwards, asking with an idiot grimace on his or her face, "do you get it?" And then they proceed to explain the intricacies of some stupid phrase that you'll probably hear them utter two or three more times to other people throughout the lunch break, and with greater emphasis each time.

I mean, at least being ironic or newly antiquated means you don't have to follow it up with a stupid catch-phrase. Punners everywhere should just stop talking and start wearing Mickey Mouse tshirts.