I am a failure; I lack; My life sucks; I am going nowhere; They didn't have any sour cream glazed timbits at Tim Horton's

To cope with my sadness and disappointment surrounding what I call 'my life,' today I purchased impractical shoes.

I am the most typical woman in contemporary hyper-consumer history.

My legs better look fucking fabulous in these. If I don't continue my daily dates with the Y and the steam room, all I'm going to have by the time the snow melts in this god forsaken city are chunky, stumpy gams and impractical studded wedge heels.